I decided to stay in the theme "couple" for a few more tickets, but this time talk about something a little heavy: what if you are childfree, but in a couple where the spouse is not.
Wow, big topic! I momentarily metamorphosis author of "Blog of the heart, the time to give you some ideas.
I confess straight away that I did not the answer. I was fortunate to meet my husband at the age of 30 years and therefore from our first trips, I told him: "Listen, I do not want to have children. I understand that this step can be super important the eyes of some, but this is not the case for me and I know enough to say that I will not change his mind. So I prefer to tell you right away. "
It does There has not been a problem and told me candidly that he did not want it now and if one day it failed him, he'll talk. I still have him explain my positions at the beginning of our relationship. He had never met another woman like me, who spoke without embarrassment about his non-desire for children. He confessed that he had never asked the question, having always assumed that one day he would be a father simply because it is "the right thing to do." I also believe that my arguments have convinced without much effort (as he did not really have a bias, it was not that difficult.).
Fortunately, so far, it has not changed his mind. I can also not sure how I would react if he told me tomorrow that he dreams of being a father and his life seems empty ... I think I'd be a little insulted, frankly.
Anyway, I share this slice of life with you because I realize that I am privileged. I met women in my documentary that had met their spouses early in the early twenties at the time it does not necessarily pose questions about the future of the couple about procreation. And then after 10-12 years together, she realizes that her husband began to talk more and more often having children and it ... no desire to be a mother.
What?
thorny topic. Frankly, I have no answer. Number of avenues are possible:
a) The discussion of where one ends up convincing the other and both parties agree on a future that can please both.
b) The one where one can not convince each other and they now live in a certain misunderstanding - may also lead to d).
"c) which one convinces the other to bow to his wishes, but only half of the couple lives frustrated.
d) The one where the couple separates.
So there is possibility of a happy ending. But also the possibility that this is the end of the couple.
But that reality extends far more than the desire to have children or not. The same is true of moving to another city. To live in the countryside or places of the city, near the sea or mountains, etc..
In short, all that to say that although I do not own a magic bullet this problem, you're not alone. Many couples are struggling with this dilemma. Therefore, my only recommendation would think through your motivations one side or the other: why do you have children, why do you not?, And communicate honestly with your spouse. Maybe you'll understand why you escaped. Maybe you'll convince or be convinced and will continue to live a happy life. But perhaps it is irreconcilable and does it consider a possible rupture.
reading that I recommend highly: Flushed with or childless Isabelle Tilmant that explores precisely why some want to be mothers, while others prefer another kind of life. What are the conscious and unconscious motivations that play a role in decision-making. Must read!
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